Want to be next Casanova? To make sure your first date will go smoothly? Here we go.

10 tips to impress a girl on a first date.

Well, i feel like getting a break for t-shirt designs for a moment and write something out of topic.
Let's say - how to impress girl on a first date. 
I'm 57; i'm not attractive in any way; and REALLY not rich by any means. But if i got any talent, it's ability ( or charisma, to be modest ) to impress almost any girl or lady i was lucky to meet.
So let's use my experience and try our best.

You got the date, blind or whatever, and let's say you see her and you want her. Want her badly. If not, just order a beer or glass of wine, blah-blah for a few minutes, and tell her you really have to leave - your boss, mom or dog needs you - use your imagination. You can even prepare some music on your phone, press play button and pretend you got that important call.
But we are going for that one you really ready to die for - or just want hmmm..to impress. Whatever, 

Here we go:

10 tips to impress a girl on a first date.

1. Bring her flowers, give them to her  and kiss her hand. Old school, you say. Well, it works. The problem is, if you got damn flowers and DON'T like her and you haven't any mood to kiss any part of her body. Well...don't be cheap. At least she got flowers and will go home in 10 minutes being happy.

2. Give me a favor, no word about weather. Or sex. Nada. Nothing. About latter one...well, will see how it will be going. Be easy. Talk about something you know and got a passion for. Smile. Not all the time, or she will think you are an idiot or on drugs,but smile makes wonders. Don't be smart ass either, try to learn what SHE likes and let her tell about it. Hope it won't be only clothing.

3. Tell her how hard is to meet Real Lady and she is that rare case. It works. Even punk, goth or lesbian will be happy to know she is a Real Lady. Trust me on this one.

4. Tell her she reminds you "Madonna with long neck" by Parmigianino. Let's say you don't have a clue who the heck he is (well, i'm smart ass and know, cause i got MA in history of fine arts), but who cares. You can use Google to find that picture before date, but if not, she doesn't know what you are talking about for sure. Trust me. 

5. Compliment her jewelry, especially ring. Why? First, she will love it. Second, you got an option to take her hand to look at that damn ring closer. Now her hand is in yours. Use it and -

6.  - Having her hand, turn it up and look on it closely. Make smart face. Make "hmmm". Then gently leave her hand. She will ask what you looked at. You would ask too, right? Pretend you are chiromancy guru, but don't tell what you learned form her hand - anyway you don't know. Just tell her with smile, that all is fine and you will tell her later. She will be intrigued, mission accomplished. Later on she won't remember about it, she will be busy.

7. In the middle of conversation, make a break and pretend you forgot what you wanted to say. She will ask you what happened (and even if she won't ask, who cares)  and  you will say something like :" Sorry, when I look at you, I'm drowning into your eyes. So sorry about that, i just can't focus on anything else". It works.

8. Use that eyes stuff again. Look into her eyes all the time. She will be blurred, but who cares. Tell her, it's the first time you just can't see anything around except her. That will get her melted.

9. Compliment her taste and style in fashion, even you really hate that stupid pink top. But we are interesting in what's INSIDE it, don't we.

10. Pay for dinner. I know, its very hard, but girls like it. I don't know why, but they do. Period. Now just take her to your place or hers (preferably hers on the first date, who knows, she might be transvestite after all). That's all. We did all you need to make nice romantic dinner slowly transforming into tender breakfast together.

PS. Dear Ladies, please, please don't take it too seriously, you are Meaning of Life and we all know that. Love you.
PPS. It works by the way ;)